I've been asking for signs that will help me view his passing with more peace and clarity giving my heart some much needed understanding. When you're so close to someone, be it a person or a pet, I believe there are signs, even on the subtlest level to let you know they are just fine and I have to admit I've been on high alert for any sign. I see Rhu everywhere from the smallest corner of a room to the wide-open spaces of his favorite park or dog beach.
“I really need to know you're doing okay, Rhu”.
After my early contemplation this morning, I had this flash about how selfish it is of me to not be happy for Rhu… he is in a better place…He is now free from all the physical challenges he faced. What right do I have to still feel sad? From the lyrics of one of my own songs: “it's the selfish part of me, that wants you right back here with me, yes, right here by my side”… So, yes, absolutely, yes! I am fully admitting my selfishness and I can't seem to help myself.
I would have to say that if I had Rhu's openhearted attitude this situation would be used to create something better. And with that, a little piece of gratitude cracked the door open.
I started contemplating about the events of that fateful day, and how each of these moments were like pieces of a grander-scheme-in-life puzzle. If I could just put these pieces together maybe I might actually see that along with the tragedy, there was also a great deal to be thankful for.
Grateful that I got to walk him in his cart that morning, the greatest joy in his world and mine. Grateful he got to visit with some of his favorite people because we had a studio full of them…Grateful when he got sick that day, the same vet that treated him previously didn't seem overly alarmed and allowed me that one extra visit with him on my own, just me and Rhu. Grateful that he seemed very calm, at ease and kissed my hand and arm in a very reassuring way... Grateful I got to tell him right then how much I loved him. Not everyone gets that opportunity when their pet is in crisis.
The second sign I received this morning was when just a portion of a song randomly came to me and I found myself hearing just that portion over and over until it dawned on me it was another message. "Life is a highway, I won't make it on my own" … Rhu would not have made it on his own…he needed both love and physical care and he chose us to give that to him. What an honor…I was seeing this from a different point of view for the first time.
Thank you, I said aloud.
Rhu was constantly teaching…teaching us about a better approach to life, love, and forgiveness and now...bravery. He taught humility and he gave absolutely his all to everything he did with an unconditional love like no other. So, yes, it most certainly was the selfish part of me that wasn't quite ready for Rhu's "life-class" to be, over… All I can do now is to honor him by humbly listening and watching day and night for those signposts he is surly leaving for us to see. Be happy sweet boy.